anna metcalf
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My First Fan Letter!

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

Last night, I received my first fan letter from my dear, dear friend who shall only be named as K2.

Thanks K2 for making my night. I’m sure that there will be lots of dissappointed hunks out there, but I’m honored that you are saving your (hair) for me! K2 does know just how cheer a girl up - just last summer he saved me by handing me a beer and a joint and said, “AB, this is an intervention, honey. You must break up with that boyfriend of yours!”

SUBJECT: SHUTTING DOWN MY ESCORT BIZ 

Hey Guys,     I know this will come as a let-down to many of you hot men, but I am taking a hiatus from my popular Escort service. Yeah, I will miss the hot sex too. I must do so, however, in order to remain true to my Credo, “Pushing 50 and Still Cute!” 

You see, the wacky, wonderful Woman who was willing to assist me in coloring my hair has vanished. She may be in Peru, seeking psychedelic Cactus; or in Argentina, organizing farm workers; or in Gaza trying to rescue (or seduce) young Palestinians; nonetheless she is nowhere to be found. So, until I get to Supercuts for a trim – and get the sides colored up so I no longer look like a Super Delegate – I am taking a leave of absence.    

I will keep you all informed.    

Until then, I remain your humble, hot, and honest bottom,    
K2

Now, That’s A Good Friend

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

I had a pack of smokes in LA last weekend.

They dissappeared somewhere along the way. I didn’t really miss them too much and never gave a second thought about where they could have gone. But when I arrived home in Albuquerque, as I dug through my purse, searching for my keys or some such something, I spied a renegade object down there in the depths.

A piece of Nicorette, still sealed in it’s protective blister pack. . . . now I ask . . . whom among you is responsible? And did you smoke all my cigs at least?

Last Sunday’s Shenanigan

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

We all met, most of us didn’t know one another, a flash-mob created at 1:10PM at the Barnes and Noble in The Grove in LA. We each grabbed a book and began reading aloud while walking throughout the store . . . and on the escalators . . . and in the grand three-story balcony.

I was running late, and bustled into the store around 1:09ish, pushing past people, sliding in my flip-flops on the marble floors, bounding to get to the third floor. I had no idea which book I was going to grab, but I definitely knew it would be on the third floor. I didn’t know how many, if any, people would be here reading with me, I was listening for others, but didn’t really hear anything. I grabbed a book from a low shelf. It was a book of blessings. “Perfect, I thought, “It’s just what I need to be putting out to the world.”

And I began to read, and listen for others. I walked around, then sure enough brushed casually by a long haired tattooed dude who was reading Mien Kampf. Then I saw others. Then I heard others mumbling near and far, like constellations of mischeif, as I myself read as loud as I could. I noticed a couple of kids walking together arm-in-arm, reading aloud too.

The plan was to read out loud until about 1:30 or until getting kicked out.

We all continued to walk around Barnes and Noble, reading aloud and eventually we saw staff members and customers begin to look at one another like, “What the . . .?” And on we read, some were mumblers, most were just reading in a relaxed and normal way, like it was perfectly acceptable public behavior. I, on the other hand, was as loud as I could be reading poetic blessings into the air. . . a sustained theatre voice projected from the diaphragm, not screaming or anything, but definitely enough to cause people to notice. I wanted to be heard by the others, to help keep momentum going. I noticed a security guard coming near me, but he was actually going after one of the other men who were reading. It was odd, like he didn’t see me. Then a sales lady approached and said, “The customers are complaining, ma’am, you have to stop.”

I walked a couple of aisles over and commenced to the blessin’ again. Then as I rounded the balcony, I saw that security guards were escorting people out, so I put my book down. The kids were still reading and giggling. No one ever asked them to stop. I found a dear friend of mine, mumbling, but still reading. It was not yet 1:30. I hugged him, and walked out the door, glowing.

The others who’d been kicked out were standing in front. I introduced myself. They said, “Hey, wanna go for coffee?”

We did. And we planned the next shenanigan. Coming soon.

Perfect LA Weekend Top Ten Moments

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

Jetting into LA last Friday, hours after quitting my job in Albuquerque, I needed a weekend ‘home’ in LA and didn’t even know it. Every moment was GOLDEN. Here are but a few highlights:

1. Running up Washington Blvd, the heaviness of the salty ocean air hits me like an old friend.

2. The door man at Hinano didn’t need my ID; he said, “Girl, where you been? I know them blue eyes. Get yo’ ass in there!”

3. Group hug after group hug from my Venice peeps while I caught a 3BB (three beer buzz).

4. 15-mile solo oceanside mid-afternoon bike ride on my yellow Schwinn, which I miss very much.

5. Riding my bike on Speedway in Venice just after sunset and running into at least 7 close friends within 5 minutes. That’s more than 1 friend per minute!

6. Being fed tri-tip and Austrailian wine at Theory with yet another group of awesome friends.

7. Dog-piling the couch to watch Lawrence of Arabia.

8. Being woken up at 4AM by a herd of drunks who landed near my couch.

9. The shenanigan at Barnes & Noble.

10. Taking a nap at my Mar Vista art studio.