Eh, fuck it, possibly against my better judgement . . . I’m putting it out there anyway . . .

Drew Barrymore, you and I should totally go roller skating. Because I’m a cool-ass chick. And you’re a cool-ass chick. We both, in fact, kick ass. And we’d have lots of adventure stories to swap. And we’re both smokin’ hot.

I’m a crazy quad-rollin’ artist adventurer who has been cruising the Venice Beach boardwalk for years. I’ve taken wheel to South Carolina, Chicago and Albuquerque parking lots, streets and sidewalks. I’ve skated into Polish pubs in Chicago, pigtails flaring. I’ve busted ass on the woodsy trails in Columbia. I’ve spun my wheels in ‘Burque hotel parking lots. My skating outfit features slight camel toe and I am not afraid to show it.

Through a very strange course of events, I just happen to be traveling the open road with only a suitcase, my skates and my cat. So, Drew Barrymore, this is an open invitation. Some of my dearest friends just went on location to work on your roller derby movie. I was really tempted to take a job in their accounting department . . . but, I just really need a summer hiatus from motion picture accounting. You know . . . so I can roller skate more. I’ll be traveling in that general direction within days or weeks anyway for my own personal business. So, if you wanna roller skate with me, by all means, let me know.

And if not, that’s cool, I’m gonna keep on rolling along wherever it is I go. . . But if this proposal piques your interest in any way, I’ll be there in hours . . . I just replaced the trucks on my skates. My jingle-bell pom’s pom’s are ready to go.